In order to get a clear picture of the way things have happened, I have to give you a little brief history about me. I am a normal 33 year old woman. I am educated and have owned my own business for around 13 years. I had a little boy when I was in high school. Yes, I was a teenage mom. It was a terrible experience for my family and I. I had such as bright future ahead of me. I was popular, was a cheerleader, a pianist, singer and dancer. My parents made sure that we (my siblings and I) participated in as much as possible. When I became pregnant, my parents were devastated. My mother was actually a teacher at my high school so she carried the shame as well. My son was born in 1997. He was a beautiful, healthy baby. We were all in love and that helped to bring some happiness to a bad situation.
I dated my son's father for a year before we actually had sex. He was my first, but I most certainly wasn't his. He was there in the beginning of my pregnancy then he decided to dump me. He told everyone that the baby was not his. It was humiliating for me and my family. His parents were there during it and were ashamed of the way their son treated me. I hold no resentment however. We were kids. I was able to graduate with my class and was voted "Friendliest" and "Most Spirited" in our Who's Who. I also made cheerleading at a junior college and recieved a full scholarship. Jason took me to court to establish paternity and to set child support. He didn't have a dna test done because deep down he always knew that the baby was his, even though he had humiliated me. He was ordered to pay $221.00 monthly in child support. I didn't want it though. I chose to have my son on MY own and didn't need or want his money. I remember my dad saying, he owes it to you and the baby.
I started seeing a guy from my high school shortly after my son was born. My parents had beaten it into my head that I would NEVER find a decent man because I had a baby, so I clung to the first guy that showed any interest in me. He was handsome and pretty popular. He was a year ahead of me and graduated first. After he graduated, he decided that he wanted to be a state trooper. He knew someone who helped him get in, because it is VERY political. After he was a cadet for a year, then he would be old enough to attend the academy. In the beginning, he seemed so charming. He charmed my parents and me. He acted like my son was his own. After we had been dating for a while, my mother became a little concerned. She said she didn't trust him. He ended up being many different people. I used to jokingly say that he wore a different "hat" to match whomever he was around. He was also very flirtatious with other girls and VERY possessive of me. He would become violent when things would not go his way. Once, he stomped out the glass in the sunroof of my car. It was rumored that he was having an affair with a female state trooper. Keep in mind that he was 20 and this woman, was probably in her early 30's. When I graduated high school, some friends and I (along with one adult chaperone) went to the beach. Jeremy came down there one night to see me and became enraged when he heard we had talked to some guys next door. He attacked and choked me in front of everyone. Of course, I apoligized later, even though I did nothing wrong.
We got engaged and had a big wedding, despite my parents pleas to wait. He finished the trooper academy and we moved to north Alabama. Over 6.5 hours away from my family. I had NO friends and I took my baby away from the only family that he'd ever known. I was 19 and Jeremy was 21. It didn't take long for the abuse to escalate. Jeremy could NOT handle alcohol and I would pay the price for his drunken rampages. I tolerated it though because, after all, he only did it when he was drunk right? I started teaching gymnastics at the local community center and began to meet people. We joined an awesome church and joined a young married couples class. I love it! We both even joined the choir. I thought everything was going to be different. We knew a couple who lived in the county next to us from when Jeremy was in the trooper academy. Thank God I had BB. She was my only friend and we had so much in common, both of us being troopers wives. However, not even 3 months of us living there, her husband started having affairs. I was so hurt for her and Jeremy assured me that I would NEVER have to worry about that. Well, it happened. Girls started calling our house and hanging up on me. People would stare at me when we were together and whisper. One day, I was sitting on my front porch and a girl kept riding by our house..stalking me. Jeremy, of course, denied it and said I was being paranoid. One incident occured when we went home for Mardi Gras. Jeremy got drunk and was flirting with girls...HIGH SCHOOL girls. He was slapping them on their butts and getting them to dance in front of his state trooper friends who were working security at the parade. I was humiliated and when I asked him about it in the car, he punched me so hard that I thought he had broken my arm. One night he told me he was going to buy some beer and he didn't come home. He had no cell phone and I was frantic. I called the local police department because I knew that he had been drinking. No one could find him. I even called the state troopers office and reported it to his corporal. I packed mine and my son's bags because if he wasn't hurt and came home, then I would know that he was having an affair.
I stayed up ALL night, and at about 6:00 in the morning he drove up. He had this nervous grin. I ran to him and threw my arms around him... I said, "Where have you been?" He didn't answer...I asked, "Are you having an affair?" He said yes. I was broken hearted. We left. I cried all of the way home. I will never forget my sweet little boy saying.. "Mama, now we will never see dat mean ole' dad again." I wasn't hurt because I love him that much, it was my pride. The women he was having the affairs with were trashy. That makes it even worse. I moved back in with my parents and tried to start rebuilding my life. It took a month before I could actually sleep through the night, or could eat a full meal. I got a job and everything. enrolled back in college courses. I was working at my new job when it hit me...I hadn't had a period in a while. I started to panic and would got to the bathroom every few minutes to check and see if I had started. Nothing....I made myself take a pregnancy test and boom...it was positive. I didn't know what to do. Should I keep it? Should I get back with him? Thoughts were flashing through my mind. How could I tell my parents. Jeremy had called a few times begging me back....what would he say? I told him. He begged and begged me to take him back. He said he had quit the State and would move back home. I did NOT want to be a single mom with two kids from two different dads, so I took him back. Not a month after we were back together, I started getting hang up calls. I yelled, "Who is this?" It was one of Jeremy's girlfriends from north alabama calling to say SHE was pregnant too. I was devastated. I started crying and having a panic attack. It got so bad that, I had to go to the doctor. I told the Dr everything. I hugged me and said...now, if you don't quit crying, you're going to lose this baby. He put me on some meds to try and help calm me, but they didn't work. I had a terrible pregnancy and it did something to me that I can't explain and to this day, I still can't.
I started to HATE Jeremy. We had a beautiful baby girl however. She was a perfectly healthy baby girl. I made her my main focus. Jeremy was in LOVE with her. I just knew that she would change him, but she didn't. Somehow, and I will never know how, but he got rehired with the State Troopers. This time, we only had to move and hour north from home. My new baby was around 6 months old when we moved. I was still thinking there was a chance for us, but I had NO love left for him at this point. I loved him, but was NEVER in love with him the way that I should have been from the start. I have heard of people in arranged marriages actually falling in love later and I was hoping that would happen to us. When we moved, I opened a new business and it grew rapidly. I was enjoying teaching my new students and made a LOT of new friends...REAL friends. So did Jeremy...more than I knew. He met this new local cop named Joiner. (They always called people by their last names in law enforcement) I had heard about Joiner because one of our mutual cop friends said that he had a girlfriend that slept around with everyone behind his back. I had never met him though, but Jeremy really liked him.
One fall day, I was sitting in a lawn chair on my front porch reading "The Witching Hour" by Ann Rice. A junky blue truck pulled up. The door opened and this man with glasses on and camoflauge came walking up. I cannot explain the feeling that came over me, but it was something different. Something I had never felt before. He asked me if Jeremy was home and I said no, he was working at the time. He says.."I'm Joiner". I said..."Oh, ok..I'm Tiffaney, nice to finally meet you!" I told Jeremy later that night that I had met Joiner. Jeremy said Joiner was dating a new girl and wanted to know if it would be ok if they came over to dinner. They did and we had the best time. Pretty soon, I became as close to him as Jeremy was...actually closer. We connected on a deep, deep level. Jeremy was still having affairs...he even used his STATE video camera to record himself hitting on a high school student. When I confronted him about it, he beat me the worst that he had ever had before. He slapped me across the face and knocked me off of the ottoman that I was sitting on. He hit ME because I was crying and asking him, how could he still be cheating on me when we had this beautiful baby girl. I asked him if he even cared about her. That's when he slapped me. He jumped on top of me and started hitting me. He grabbed me by the throat and started choking me. I was about to lose conciousness when his brother busted through the door and saved me.
I couldn't hide the bruises. When Joiner saw, I called him Donald, he questioned me about them. I told him I had gotten them from working in the gym, but he knew better. He was so kind to me. I knew that I was falling in love with him. I had NEVER in my LIFE felt that way about anyone before. My heart would just skip a beat whenever he was around. One of my dearest friends knew all about Jeremy and how violent he was. How could she not because she and her husband saw him punch me in the stomach when I was pregnant? I called her and told her that I was falling in love with Donald. She was so happy for me. I decided that I was going to get the courage up and tell him. That was just not something that I had ever done before. I had never been the type of woman who flirted with men, or that would EVER tell someone I liked them first. So, I got a long bath and talked to myself and tried to plan what I would say to him. I told Jeremy that I was going to to the store to get some pictures deveoped. He was palying video games, which was another habit of his that I loathed. I got in the car and headed towards Donald's house. I passed by the first time because I got scared, but then I turned around and made myself go. I got out and knocked on the door. He answered with a shocked look and said, "Come on In!" "Are you ok? Did he hurt you again?" I said no as he walked me to the living room. He grabs a photo album and says..."Look at these new pictures of the girls." He had two daughters from a previous marriage. I was a nervous wreck and shaking as I flipped the pages. He said, "Ok...now tell me what's going on." I said..."I can't, it's bad." He said. "Are you having an affair?" I said.."No, but I'm going to be." "I think I am in love with you!", I blurted out. He was so stunned that he started to back up and sit down and missed the sofa and fell on the floor. I just sat there crying. He came over and put his arms around me and said..."It's going to be ok."
So, that started it. We soon found out that Jeremy and Donald's girlfriend had been sleeping together, So, Jeremy and I separated. I had not the SLIGHTEST bit of guilt. I was sooo in love with this man, He was older, more mature and I could look in his eyes and see the love he had for me. My children adored him, as did my parents. I thought I would NEVER have children again until I fell in love with him. He was what I had dreamed of my entire life, I couldn't get enough of him. I saw my future in his eyes. I never thought that there were such things as soul mates, but he proved me wrong. Jeremy had moved back home and was still trying to get back with me. Why? I will never understand. He couldn't be faithful and obviusly he didn't love me. He would beg and plead. He even came up to my Donald's house to confront HIM, ha!! They got into a fight..needless to say, Jeremy came to my house beaten up. He didn't go to work for a few days because of it. He made me feel sorry for him. Meanwhile, Donald's bosses at work warned him about seeing me. They didn't want to be a part of the scandal even though they were totally clueless as to what had gone on. I started worrying that Donald was going to break things off. So...I decided to just go back to Jeremy. Maybe it just wasn't meant for me to be happy. I left Donald and he was devastated. I was more worried about what everyone else thought and did not follow my heart. I tried to make it work with Jeremy, who at this time, had a son that was only 3 months younger than our daughter. I couldn't get Donald out of my head. I tried calling him once and he wouldn't answer. I kept up with his work schedule. I still continued to drive up there and teach my classes. I knew that I wouldn't be able to stay with Jeremy because I loved Donald too much.
I drove up there one night when I knew that he was working, with my best friend. The first place we stopped, we found him. He was shocked to see me..I was trembling. I got in the car with him and told him everything. I loved him and could NOT be without him. He said he was seeing someone. I said, I'm not asking you to cheat on her, and he said..."I already am, emotionally." Besides, he only had been seeing the girl for a few weeks and she had chased him for years. The ONLY reason that he dated her was because I had hurt him so bad. She was nothing to him. I have always been able to look at him and see myself in his eyes. There was NO way that he could hide his love for me. I left Jeremy for good and moved back. Donald broke up with the crazy girl and we were just in heaven. He was my heart and soul. I was the most happy that I had ever been in my entire life. He filled my life with so much joy.
When we made love, he made me feel like a woman. Jeremy always degraded me and that could also be because I never loved him the way I was supposed to. With Donald, I learned what making love really meant. I breathed him, if that is possible. Everything was going wonderfully. We were making plans for our new lives together and our future. He didn't have a lot of money, but I didn't care. All I needed was him and I would live in a box. He took such good care of me and my children. I was never afraid when he was there. He made us feel so safe and secure.
We had been together for only a few months exclusively when we got a phone call one night. A woman asked to speak to Donald. I handed him the phone and watched his body slump. He said.."Ok". He got off of the phone and said...that was Aimee. (The crazy girl he had dated for a short period of time) He said, "She says she needs to talk to me". I knew immediately...I said..."If she is pregnant, you can forget about me". Needless to say, not only was she pregnant, but was pregnant with TWINS. She thought he would come back to her. She tried to use the fact that they were boys to her advantage because he had 2 daughters. Out of ALL of the hell that I have been through in my life, this was the WORST thing that has ever happend to me. Donald lost something about him, that he will never get back. He couldn't understand how she could have gotten pregnant, after all, she was on birth control and he was "careful". Even Donald's ex wife was suspicious and said she probably used a turkey baster. She was known to trap men...she already had 2 kids from 2 different Dads. She was trying to trap him because he is such a great person. Her plan didn't work because when you have met the person that God intended for you to be with, nothing can tear them apart.
We made it...the twins were his and he got EATEN alive with child support. Because she was a medicaid patient, he had to also pay back the state for ALL of her me4dical bills. Even though she didn't let him know she was pregnant until it was too late for any options. Our story is what brings me to this blog. Why are there no equal rights for men in these curcumstances? I had the option to keep my son when I was a teenager and I chose to have MY daughter. What if their Dads didn't want them? So what? I would have raised them on my own without THEIR help because that was MY choice. I would love to tell you how much money I am owed by my kids Dads. Yes, it is my fault because I haven't pursued it like most women do. I chose to have my kids, therefore, it is MY responsibility to take care of them.
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